Hello everyone, the Historian here. Well, we are officially in the “home stretch” of the TARDIS Project–by my count, we have 26 episodes (including this one) left to go, 21 of which fully exist as moving pictures! Now, I’m betting (with all the breaks we have to take) that it will take us more than the six months that make up twenty-six weeks, but we are certainly not far from the end! Not sure precisely how to feel about that…but that’s a topic for a different time.
For now…We’re off to Outer Space! We’re leaving Mother Earth! (Wait, that was something else. Never mind.) It’s a new story! With a surprisingly small group, alas. But, enough of this, let’s get to the episode! This episode first aired 28 December 1968.
H = Historian
K = Ketina
R = Ronelyn
P = Photobug
A = Altair
E = Ezio
S = Sabriel
—
S: That’s it?
P: Yes, that’s the cliffhanger.
<explains to our new participant about the cliffhanger nature of Classic Doctor Who>
K: Sabriel, Photobug and Altair’s niece, is joining us this week.
R: Yeah! Kroutons!
E: Yeah, this episode is making me hungry.
R: Well, since it started off with the Hunger Games.
P: Yes, in reverse.
R: “Wait, what district are we in?” I realize at the time that the allusion wouldn’t make any sense, but somehow today a guy in grubby clothes standing up in front of a village in a Welsh gravel mine, and picking a male and female student? Yeah. Little bit Hunger Games.
S: I actually thought it was a little bit dirty. Like they were going to make them reproduce or something.
P: Like a researcher with lab rats?
S: Yes, like an experiment. <Sabriel is actually a research scientist>
R: I make a lot of fun of the episode, but so far, honestly, it’s not that bad. I mean there’s a lot to laugh at, but not bad.
H: So, this episode winds up being another sort of retrospective milestone for the series. Did anyone else notice the name of the writer.
E: I noticed it, but I don’t remember it.
H: This is the first Doctor Who story written by Robert Holmes. And if you don’t know who Robert Holmes is…
R: Just wait?
H: He wrote a lot of the best Doctor Who scripts of the 70’s and some of the 80’s, and he was the script editor of the series for Tom Baker’s first 2-3 seasons.
R: “He wrote some great episodes. And also this one.”
<laughter>
H: Yeah. This story may… not… be… up to his standard.
<Discussion of future stories written by Robert Holmes. You can look ’em up.>
P: Well, I honestly thought there were some good lines in here. “Where are we?” “You don’t expect him to know, do you?”
E: Yeah, there were some pretty good lines in this episode.
H: Why Photobug, you surprise me. I wouldn’t have thought that the fun lines were the things you’d have noticed in this episode.
P: What, the short skirt?
H: Yes. Zoe’s skirt was, indeed, very short.
S: I thought you meant the kilt.
R: Indeed. Most of the men’s skirts were rather short in this episode.
P: Who else had a skirt.
R: Captain shoulder pads.
H: You mean the actual Scotsman in this episode, as opposed to the fake Scotsman in this episode. Not that I have anything against Frazer Hines, but let’s call a Scot a Scot.
K: Hi!
R: Yup. Short skirts…
P: Going down hill.
R: And long shoulders.
K: With the shoulder and hair, this was 1984, not 1968.
R: And don’t forget the eye makeup.
K: Yeah!
H: To be fair, we’re only a couple of years away from David Bowie and glam rock here.
R: “Like gag me with a Kroton.”
E: So, was anyone else creeped out by comatose lady there? I just couldn’t look at her for very long. I had to look away. <shivers>
R: Yeah, she had a really good “der” face.
P: “Well, this actress isn’t very good, but she can do this really well. We’ll cast her.”
E: This episode does seem like it would be one of the funner things to act in.
S: You get to smash things. That would be fun.
E: Between the fight scene and the glorious smashing, yes. I would have loved to be cast in this episode.
K: Yes, you can just stand around looking glassy eyed and doing nothing in the background.
H: Ah, the fight scene. <sings classic Star Trek fight music>
R: Actually, I thought it was kinda cool. The choreography was definitely kind of Trek-ish. But Jamie was just like “listen up.. hand to hand? That is something I can do. Come’er you! Let’s wrestle!” And he actually wins.
P: Yeah, but that dude could have easily hit him in the head with the hammer.
R: Not with that grip on the wrist.
K: I was expecting Jamie… wanting Jamie?… to either headbutt him or knee him. Just something dirty.
R: But the point was that Jamie was like “no, I got this.” I think it may be… I don’t know… it’s rare to see one of the companions actually be competent in battle.
K: Ian, Steven… even Pop-eye had good fight scenes.
H: Ben!
R: I remember Ben also having some really loser fight scenes too.
<discussion of various loser fight scenes, and hot male companions>
R: Okay, random goofy bit interjection – “my daughter… arise. Now, you wear the ceremonial shoulder pads of Krotos.”
H: Okay.
P: You’re failing to mention the metal plate of shame.
R: Yeah, that’s true.
H: Connected by the “spring of uncertainty.”
P: You’d think, if that being the case, that there’d be like 50 of those things lying outside the door in the wasteland.
<laughter>
A: There’s some race out in the wasteland that uses those for currency.
R: “Found another pair.” It’s a whole separate other cargo cult. I just found it so funny, them holding up the cloak, and the cloak itself HAS SHOULDERS!
P: I saw the cloak and was almost amused, because it was so 80’s. Like, what if this actually spawned the whole things. What if David Bowie saw this and was like “yeah! That’s it!”
H: And I will call it Ziggy Kroton… no, that’s not right.
K: I feel like I was watching a Scandal video.
R: To interject a moment of Cz here, “this world smells dead.” “YOUR FACE SMELLS DEAD.”
<Cz is kid-sitting for ElfGrrl tonight>
P: The reason why the world stinks is going to come up soon. Other than “we’re teenagers and the world stinks.”
<groans>
H: So, I’ll be the one to mention it.
P: It looks like a penis? <referring to the attacking camera on the tentacle thing towards the end of the episode>
H: We can talk about that in a minute. I was going to say, that…
P: Did it, or did it not look like a penis?
H: Little bit. But as I was saying…
R: This was the weirdest slash fiction ever.
H: Ahem! So, I’ll mention it…
R: Penis.
<laughter>
H: <ignores them>
<And then I spell “ignores” wrong and there is mocking for a bit… moving on>
H: Yes. The first shot of the episode contained a technical problem.
S: I was going to talk about that. They kept it in too! That was my favorite part of the episode.
H: They kept it in because this episode, other than film inserts, was filmed as live. So they only did very minor edits, and it cost them quite a bit of money to stop the camera, reset it, and go again. That’s pretty much the case with all of 60’s Doctor Who.
<discussing the scene right at the start when the little door doesn’t open properly>
K: I thought that was just a sign of how old the machines they were living in were.
H: That’s fansplaining at its best.
K: And I’ll take that.
<Pun removed. You’re welcome.>
H: So, are we in final thoughts.
P & R: No.
H: Well then, one of you go.
R: “Look Doctor, there’s a city of ants down there on the gravel 5 inches from our faces.”
<laughter>
E: I’m glad I’m not the only one.
K: Oh, I noticed that too.
P: It’s not fair, when you’re shooting macro your depth of field is for crap… oh whatever. Never mind.
H: Yeah, the models and films of same, are not really up to snuff in this story. As you’ll see, unlike a lot of other stories with models, they, and the full size sets, have no real correspondence with each other.
P: I thought it was off character for Jamie to say “oh look, a door. Let’s go stand next to it.”
R: I just think he would have known better. But maybe by this time he’s lost all sanity “sure! Let’s try to get killed! Ahahaha!”
P: I really didn’t think the rocks were going to work. <the rocks that the Doctor puts in the way of the gas guns outside the door, in an attempt to prevent them from firing.>
R: They really didn’t.
K: They slowed it down.
R: “The vandals! That was my favorite umbrella!”
H: One small character bit that I really liked in this episode, is when they’re talking about comatose girl…
R: Barbargon?
H: Sure. (that’s my Spoo impression). And the Doctor says “she might give you a run for your money, Zoe” when told that she was really intelligent. And Zoe just sits there…
R: “Oh, I’ll cut a bitch!”
<laughter>
H: Yeah, exactly. Well… quieter, but exactly.
P: Hey, this is a kids show. Said the guy who said penis… never mind.
H: Hey compared to “Creature from the Pit” or Alpha Centauri from the Peladon stories, this creature is completely innocuous.
K: I thought it looked like the thing from Return of the Jedi at Jabba’s palace’s door… only longer and creepier. I was too wavy for that.
<stunned silence and then laughter>
R: Hun, when the Doctor started going “oh… ah… oh!”
K: Yeah… well. It still didn’t LOOK like one. It was just weird.
R: Yes. We’re just going to have to agree to stop talking about this.
K: So final thoughts?
R: Not yet! “Atomic la-aser!”
P: Yeah.
R: Okay, now we can do final thoughts.
H: Well, unfortunately, we have to start with the new person. <explains what Final Thoughts are all about>
S: Um… I have forgotten how cheesy and how far the special effects have come. It’s like watching two different shows.. the old one and the new one. I really liked it. I also really like Jamie as the companion.
P: It was the kilt.
S: Yes, it is the kilt.
K: I just think Jamie’s awesome for many reasons, not just the kilt.
S: Yeah. Me too.
H: Anything else?
S: I don’t want to wait a week. I might go home and watch it.
E: Cheater!
<some discussion of the impact of watching them in this week to week format>
H: Ezio? Your turn.
E: <thinks> Um… breaking things. Fun times. Also “Get ’em Jamie!”
R: Yup.
E: I honestly don’t have much to say about this episode.
H: Was it awesome?
E: You’d think, will all the final comments that we have, everything is awesome.
K: <sigh>
H: Moving on… Altair
A: I was generally surprised that it was not as… horrible as I’ve been hearing.
K: Just wait.
A: That’s what I’m worried about.
H: That’s not fair. There’s some great parts to this… never mind…. No, actually there are some parts to this story that I really, really like.
K: I think it’s mostly just the special effects that are so memorably horrible. Anyway, next is Photobug.
P: I think the only thing that stunk in this episode was the planet.
R: “Your face is the planet.”
H: Cz’s not here! And, by the way, your mother’s face is the planet.
<groans>
R: Well played, Historian. Well played.
P: I like this episode in so many ways. I liked the fact that they’re not selecting victims, but that they’re promoting them to something better. And yes, I did get the Hunger Games reference.
S: Or “The Giver.”
<Discussion of The Giver, and similar dystopian Y.A. books.>
P: Nobody mentioned that “oh my jealous boyfriend won’t let me go” story line.
S: That’s why I thought it was a reproduction thing. That he was jealous that his girl was going off with another dude.
R: “I am for you, Bubba of Gond.”
P: I was definitely surprised when the guy got acified outside.
S: You mean “acidified?”
P: Sure.
H: Once again, a great Spoo impression.
P: So, I would have thought there would have been a lot more metal badges on the ground.
K: I can fansplain that. The Krotons probably picked them up and gave them back to the Gonds to put on the next pair.
R: <Robot voice> “Pick those up. Aluminum is not cheap. We need the recycling money to buy more soda.”
P: But I was definitely surprised to see the Doctor just walk around to the other side and enter.
K: Yeah, that was a bit confusing.
R: Yeah. Wouldn’t he have stepped on the tiny little village.
<laughter>
P: Story-wise I’m looking forward to what comes next. Apparently I shouldn’t look forward to awesome special effects. I will lower my expectations to increase my enjoyment. I enjoyed see robot head to “X” shaped remark for problem. And the Doctor’s face… I didn’t expect it to be digitized the way they did that.
R: Yeah, the TV watching the TV was definitely amusing.
P: Yeah.
R: Cool, but wacky.
P: Also, it was nice to see they put a backstory in for the rest of the culture. Like, this guy’s job was to be the custodian of the learning center. Which seemed very brain washing to me.
R: <sings> “We don’t need no education.”
H: Alright. Ronelyn?
R: <pompous village idiot voice> “Our two most brilliant students have been chosen for the greatest honor that can befall a Gond. Bubagond. Barbaragond. Come forward! Octogond, bring them their robes. Pentagond, prepare the great door! Littleredwaggond, strike up the ceremonial music. Donkeykongagond, bring forth the ceremonial fruits. Toofargond, ah… you just lie there. Enterthedragond, go break some boards. And Gameraversusbaragond, what the hell is that all about anyway? What were we doing? Ah right, shoulder pads!”
<OMG. Laughing so hard can barely type!>
<Cz walks in.>
Cz: This is the best episode I’ve ever seen.
<Cz says hello to Sabriel>
Cz: Spoo and SpookyGrrl say hi.
K: ElfGrrl say hi?
Cz: Nope.
K: It’s my turn, isn’t it? So… while I’ve seen this one, I don’t remember all of the details. I’m remember things as I’m seeing them, basically. Like when the guy exited the building I remembered what was about to happen. But seeing it this way, from this perspective of having now seen all of the other Troughton and Hartnell stories preceding it, does put a different perspective on things. It’s a bit cooler… more interesting. More to think about and compare. Things are resembling things we’ve seen in earlier stories. Dystopias… angsty teenagers… mystery overlords… we’ve seen a lot of this already.
R: “All of this has happened before. All of this will happen again. Only with hotter Cylons.”
K: Anyway, while this story is entertaining, I’m not feeling like I’m seeing anything new. For example, the Invasion, despite the similarities to The War Machines and The Web of Fear, still felt new. This one, not so much. At least not yet after only part one.
P: Yeah, this story totally ripped off Hunger Games.
K: <eye roll… shrug> All you, Historian. Take us home.
H: So, I think the Krotons generally gets a bit of a bad rap. And I’m looking forward to seeing how everybody else likes it. There are parts of the story, I think, that are really great. We’ll see if everyone agrees.
—
And then there were 25. Heh. Until next week, I remain
THE HISTORIAN
NEXT WEEK: THE KROTONS EPISODE 2
