Hello everyone, the Historian here, welcoming you back to our Ice Warrior Foam Party! (Which is how I’ve been referring to this episode to Project members.) We’re up to episode five and we have finally made it to the point where we can see the actual glimmer of the aliens’ evil plans…Let’s get to the episode! This episode first aired 22 February 1969.
H = Historian
K = Ketina
R = Ronelyn
Sp = Spoo
MS = MiniSpoo
P = Photobug
A = Altair
E = Ezio
Cz = Cz
Pe = Penuche
—–
K: If that wasn’t going to be a cliffhanger.
Sp: Yeah, pick your cliff.
H: And somewhere M. Knight Shaymalan said “hey!”
R: Hey, you stole that from me.
H: We were all thinking it.
Sp: So, their big plan, to subdue the earth, was to coat a planet that is 80% water with a fungus that is destroyed by water.
Pe: They should pick another planet.
R: Hey at least they’re not trying to glue rocket motors to the planet.
H: But that still makes more sense than Wheel in Space.
K: So now the debate is who makes the stupidest plans, the Daleks, and Cybermen, or the Ice Warriors?
Sp: The answer is inconclusive, because we know the Dalek’s plans, we know the Ice Warrior’s plans. They’re still explaining the Cybermen’s plans.
H: Step 36.
P: “Engage randomizer for 50 more steps.”
Sp: Anyway, the fungus thing is literally the only problem I have. I came back at the right time. This was amazing! I knew that the coward was going to turn hero, and even though I saw it coming, it was still brilliant.
R: Corporal O’Scaredsalot
K: Yeah. I knew when he saved Zoe that he was a good guy now.
Sp: I knew when he stayed behind that it was just a matter of when he was going to turn on them, and he did it brilliantly.
R: I loved when they were going to call him into question and Zoe was like “Well, he saved my life! Barely…after a while.”
Sp: And due to personal history, I also appreciated the moment of “What do you want to do, talk to it?” When figuring out that the Doctor was right and they needed to analyze it to find a weakness.
H: So, a couple of observations…
R: “Everything you’ve all said was wrong!”
H: As I believe I mentioned earlier, these last four episodes were heavily rewritten by Terrance Dicks, and in this episode we got Dick’s trademark “The old man from the ministry comes and interferes.”
Sp: And here comes our bureaucrat, and he’s entered the room…and he’s not letting anyone speak…and here we go! It’s a coot-off! Let’s watch the drama of three old white men arguing about rockets!
H: It’s good to know in the future the government is still in the hands of old white men. Okay, maybe not good to know.
R: <old man voice> “You guyyyys! Rocket sounds!” <coughing noises>
H: So, the other thing I was going to note is that weather control seems to have moved from Antartica in the 1980’s to somewhere in the home counties in this era.
K: The difference is they learned their lesson, and instead of global weather control, it’s regional. The Ice Warriors have to go to lots of weather control stations. And I am totally making this up.
Sp: “The regional governments will now have direct control of their weather. This weather control station is now the most ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it!”
<Project is disrupted by arrivals for a bit>
A: I really did enjoy the staging. There’s some neat shots. I liked the one where Jamie and Zoe and whatshername is facing the other way, and they’re drinking those astronaught drinks, or whatever they were.
Sp: Soda.
A: Oh, we had the silly Doctor running towards the camera shot also.
K: I loved that.
Sp: That was adorable. And the artsy fade between hero coward on the video link, and then live with the Ice Warriors and then back again. They pulled out all the stops.
A: One of the Ice Warriors is a lot more slender. I wonder if that one is female.
K: I was thinking the same thing.
Sp: That pear butt prosthetic masks a lot of sins.
K: I liked the “melting” Ice Warriors effect. When they just sort of sunk into their suits.
Sp: I don’t know centigrade. What is 40-50 degrees.
P: Half-way to boiling, so pretty hot.
A: 50 is 122 F.
K: Wow, that is really hot! I’m surprised they could make the moon base that hot.
<Historian comes back. Ketina checks on things…>
<Spoo takes the conn.>
H: Ok, so scroll it back a bit.
Sp: Suck it. Anyway, A?
P: It was nice to see the appearance of bubbles again. It’s a cheap but effective effect.
A: …for a moment, I was like, “Who’s Bubbles?”…
Sp: The occasional balloon does make it too.
<In a break in conversation, Spoo turns to Mini-Spoo.>
Sp: Well?
MS: I’m actually not going to say “it was awesome” this time. Oh I just said it! Oh.
E: You foiled your own plan. Good work.
Sp: I AM DISAPPOINT, SON.
H: So did anyone talk about the Doctor’s sideburns yet?
P: Nope.
H: In some scenes, his hair was normal. In others, he had bushy, bushy sideburns.
P: That I did notice but I didn’t understand.
H: Some scenes were shot on film; others in the studio. There was time between those two periods. And those were some bushy, bushy sideburns.
Sp: Kind of like in Star Wars The Phantom Menace when we see Ewan McGregor’s variable haircuts through the final duel.
MS: Dad, I am disappoint that you made a Star Wars reference in Doctor Who.
Sp: I thought you would commend me for being “hip” and “with it”.
MS: People don’t say that they’re “hip” and “with it”. I don’t know what kind of world you’re living in that you think you’re up to date with this. I really have to school you on this.
P: You’re such a square. You’re so L-7. <some sort of shape joke apparently>
H: You’re like school in summertime. Nooooo class.
A: You’re like a plastic cup.
<I have lost the thread of this conversation. Clearly I am not the dominant voice in Ketina’s head.>
P: You suck at this.
Sp: FINAL THOUGHTS.
E: “Quick, breathe threateningly.” You’d think this is where Darth Vader came from with all the breathing they did.
H: Something to notice is that the Ice Lord who is calling from their ship…
Sp: … who in my head I dubbed “Rasta Sifl”, from Sifl and Olly…
H: …didn’t breathe heavily and talked in ta lower voice. He was in regular Martian atmosphere. Cool, huh?
E: Oh that’s clever. I would like to personally high-five the people who came up with that.
MS: Pretty sure you can’t high-five the internet.
A: It was awesome.
MS: The tradition must live on!
H: Mr. P?
P: Certainly a lot happened in this episode plot-wise. We had a really good final leadup to a cliffhanger. I appreciated the multiple sets that were brought into this episode, I counted at least 5. I also enjoyed the Doctor’s running-in-place pantomiming. I don’t understand why our coward didn’t just knock the dude over as he went for the temperature control, but a hero he remains, to me. Again I’m truly impressed at how fast they can get a rocket going; they can build these rockets faster than I can build an IKEA dresser. That’s it.
<And the unusual cadence of the project stutters again. Life intrudes. But it’s good! The episode was good, people are in good spirits. It’s the holiday season, where we are now. … … You know,… you know, we never just… talk. Anymore. This has been nice. I’m glad we had this little quiet moment together, here towards the end of the project. Just a little… mini-rap, you, the reader, and me, the Other Voice In Ketina’s Head. That low, sonorous… vaguely… appealing. Voice. The one who says… bad things. But not to you! Not to you. Mostly because we don’t get to talk like this anymore OH CRAP THEY’RE WATCHING ACT NATURAL>
K: So are you typing up my final thoughts, Spoo?
H: No, not yet. We’re on Cz’s.
Cz: <hiss>
H: Moving on!
<I miss you>
Sp: Oh hi Ronelyn. Final thoughts?
R: There ain’t no party like an alien foam party ’cause an alien foam party don’t quit.
H: Stop? Isn’t it don’t stop?
MS: Yep. It’s don’t stop.
H: And he should know because he’s “hip” and “with it”.
K: Totes.
H: NOW it’s you’re turn, Ketina.
K: Ah. I love this one! The Doctor gets all crazy runny. Zoe and Jamie are like hiding from the Ice Warriors. The coward-guy had a Noble Death. I continue to absolutely love Kelly’s outfit.
H: It’s not exactly slimming.
K: It makes her look yummy. In a good way.
H: You know, Pe didn’t have a final thought yet.
Pe: I thought the plot was stupid: why would you want to conquer a planet that can kill you so easily?
H: You haven’t seen “Signs”, have you?
<Pe walks away. As is proper.>
K: Take us home, Historian.
H: Well this has certainly been an odd week. I mean, a good episode. But a very odd discussion that I look forward to READING IN FULL AT SOME POINT.
Sp: Meep.
K: Good job, Spoo!
<fist bump>
H: Anyway. The story’s fun. I’m still enjoying it, more than I was expecting to, as silly as it is. And, to end, even though there’s a smaller crowd to do it:
Everyone: WUBwubwubwubwubWUBwubwubwubwWUBwubwubwubwubWUB.
—-
And there we have another episode done. I don’t mean to sound needy, but….comment! Please! Anything to let us know there’s someone out there as we near the end of the Project!
Ahem. Yes. Well. Next week, we find out how the Doctor will defeat the insidious plans of the invaders from the Red Planet. Until then, I remain
THE HISTORIAN
NEXT WEEK: THE SEEDS OF DEATH EPISODE SIX
