Hello everyone, the Historian here.
Pity the poor Space Pirates. I don’t think another story in the whole history of the Project has been beset by such problems for us as this poor, penultimate story. First there was a necessary two-week break due to a personal emergency on my part, and then (after another episode) Ketina, Ronelyn, and CZ came down with the dreaded <strike>plague</strike>flu, which they then gave to me…which required another two week break. But we are now (mostly) recovered and back for episode five (of six, thankfully)! Let’s get to the episode!
This episode first aired 5 April 1969.
H = Historian
K = Ketina
R = Ronelyn
Sp = Spoo
MS = MiniSpoo
EG = ElfGrrl
P = Photobug
A = Altair
E = Ezio
P = Penuche
Cz = Cz
—–
<prior to watching>
Sp: Historian, this is the first time I’ve seen you reluctant to watch an episode of Who. We should get still photos for this writeup and build our own recon for the writeup.
<watches episode>
K: Yeah.
H: We made it through another one.
R: <Clancy voice> “I don’t reckon them fish is ready for all them potatoes.” The audio quality in this episode left much to be desired.
P: Left much to the imagination.
E: The audio quality wasn’t the only thing that left much to be desired.
Sp: The soundtrack saved us. The soundtrack saved us all.
K: Except for that bit when it was high pitched awful.
H: You mean the unearthly music?
Sp: I think she means the majestic V41L0 theme.
K: I could barely stay awake.
Sp: Totally running time, 24 minutes. Total Doctor time, approximately 3 minutes.
H: A little more than that. It’s interesting that half the episode seemed to be round and round padding, and yet things did happen.
Sp: Boring, boring things.
H: Well, granted. But things.
K: <yawn>
Sp: Next week on “Doctor Why God! Why?”
EG: Couldn’t they at least make them move?
K: It’s a recon.
EG: Well then why couldn’t they at least make them in color?
<laughter>
MS: According to kid logic, color wasn’t invented back then.
<it is determined that we’ve had this conversation before>
K: <yawn>
H: Okay, so a plot point was introduced out of the blue this week. The seeds were kind of laid earlier in the discussion about how Madeline thought Clancy killed her dad, and Clancy just thought he disappeared. But he still seemed to come out of left field, didn’t he?
P: No, he came from under the table.
Sp: Yes. I too was surprised by person I didn’t know about who was related to person I didn’t care about who we were told, when I wasn’t paying attention, was killed by person I can’t understand.
H: <laughter>
Sp: Contratulations Historian, you found the plot point. <beat> Final thoughts?
H: I feel terrible in that…this is the next to last story, and yet <pauses>
Sp: We feel nothing?
P: It was a let down?
H: Part of me feels like we’re giving the story short shrift because most of the stories in the project we’ve had a lot to talk about because they’ve been fun. But I don’t feel the urge to discuss this in great detail because…
Sp: You’ve been sick for two weeks?
K: <yawn>
H: That. And it’s just…not…interesting enough to discuss.
Sp: Good. The word you’re looking for is good. It’s okay to say that. It’s not good, Jon. No, no, no.
P: Ladies and gentlemen, I want you all to realize the important of this moment. In all the years of this making this has been a very, very slow intervention. The only reason this project exists is to help the Historian’s sanity and bring it back.
K: I thought you were all figments of my imagination, not the Historians?
Sp: We are.
<Spoo takes the keyboard while the Project discusses their planned appearance at Anglicon. Really, it’s more interesting than the episode.>
Sp: I will protect Historian’s fragile psyche by pretty much saying that this was not a Doctor Who episode, just some random schlock space opera with occasional Doctor Who in it. It really doesn’t count as a Doctor Who episode, based on installments I have seen so far. <about 3 of the 5 episodes>
H: I’ll say this, I still liked it better than Love and Monsters.
K: Okay. Yeah. This story isn’t offensive. But, it isn’t interesting either.
H: No. That is true. I would see Space Pirates again if they found it – located the missing episodes. I wouldn’t see Love and Monsters again.
K: I would watch Space Pirates again the next time I have insomnia.
H: The reason that I say that is because we all liked the existing episode a lot more than any of the recons, so I just wonder.
K: If they find anything we’ve seen as a recon I will gladly watch it.
R: I’m bummed that we missed what sounded like one of the few episodes of really good acting in this story line.
Sp: You mean when they discovered the “It’s” guy under the table? <Monty Python reference>
R: No, when Madeline found out her dad was still alive.
K: Yeah. There may have been acting there. Hard to tell.
R: I heard acting.
K: The recon and poor audio quality did, certainly, contribute a lot to the bad. This is a bad recon to end the recon part of the Project on.
Sp: I’m pretty sure I lost 20-30% of this episode just on “mumblemumblehamburgersmumblemumble”
<various Clancy impressions happen.>
Sp: <turns to Photobug> Did you find this one as restful as I did?
P: No. I didn’t sleep through it. I have my mobile game.
K: Okay. That’s just disrespectful. Not that this story deserves respect. But to play a game during it. That’s Minispoo’s job.
EG: Oh yeah.
R: I also really liked the bit where they had to explain to future space station girl what candles are. It was a nice counter point to a certain other character who shall remain nameless, but who died the way she lived.
H: Not knowing what a door was?
K: She knew what a door was. She didn’t know what a key was. Anyway, I think we’re ready for final thoughts?
H: Does anyone else feel kind of guilty that we’re short changing the discussion?
<several people> No.
P: I think it’s a fare point that this story didn’t carry it’s weight, so we’re willing to end the discussion early. Isn’t that a comment on this particular episode?
<several nods>
K: So, final thoughts? Ezio?
E: <arms up. leaves the room>
K: Okay. Altair?
A: <silence, also flees the room.>
K: Okay. Photobug?
P: Ahhhhhhhhh…ummmmmmmm… <thinks> Okay, I liked the modeling. I like the fact that junior officer saw into the plan. I missed the Doctor. And I hope this leads to a more powerful conclusion than it appears to be leaving to. Also, I think the Doctor just died.
H: You say that every week.
P: I have to say it every week. This episode definitely aided by reading a lot of subtitles. One, you couldn’t understand what they were saying. And two, there were off comments about what the actors and actresses were doing that were not captured in the photos that were pretty relevant. And finally, apparently the flu germs are psychic, because they were telling us not to watch this one.
H: We merely put it off two weeks. We merely delayed the pain. Elfgrrl next?
EG: Ummmm…all I can say that it should have had a lot more color, a lot more people doing things, and people saying words without these words coming on of what people are doing.
H: The captions she means.
EG: I don’t care what they’re called. They’re annoying.
K: Okay. Minispoo?
MS: This was like the first bad Doctor Who episode ever. I am ashamed to call this a Doctor Who episode.
H: Wow.
K: Okay. Cz?
Cz: I did not watch this episode. But the music was entertaining.
E: The music was terrible.
Cz: I said entertaining. Not good.
E: Point.
K: Spoo?
Sp: <does something clever> “The story begins when Earth is threatened by collision with a mysterious comet. A plain carrying Flash and Dale is struck by a meteor caused by a cosmic disturbance caused by the comet’s approach. They escape by parashoot, only to encounter doctor Hans Zarkov.”
H: Why are you reading the plot to Flash Gordon?
Sp: If this story isn’t going to include the Doctor, my final thought isn’t either.
H: He was in the episode for a substantial…
Sp: <throws his hands up and leaves the room in a huff>
K: Okay. Ah. Ronelyn? I think we’re the only three left.
R: <muffled> Oh my god, mumblmumblmumble.
K: What?
R: mumblemuffledmumble
K: I can’t understand you. What?
R: mufflemumblemumble.
K: So, my turn then?
R: Yef.
K: <yawn>
<silence>
K: Historian?
H: And there we have it. So. That sure was an episode that lasted 25 minutes, wasn’t it.
Sp: You made that joke.
H: I know. I’m making it. Again.
Sp: And on that bomb shell we end another episode of Top Gear. Good night! <sings Top Gear credits music>
—–
That’s it for this week. Next week (I hope!), we have not only the end of this story, but the final reconstructed episode of the TARDIS Project! (Waits for cheers from Ketina, who never thought we’d make it to the end of the recons) Until then, I remain
THE HISTORIAN
NEXT WEEK: THE SPACE PIRATES EPISODE 6
